letters to jacob
by kittylover93
Summary: jake & bella go out for a year & a 1/2 when jake breaks it off because bella can't stand up for herself. 2 weeks later jake leaves for boot camp. what happens when 11 months later jake gets a letter from bella that changes everything.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay I haven't written in a while and my muse for my other stories is just in hibernation but a new muse appeared tonight and so we have this one shot. Cross your fingers that it's a good muse. All human and as always a Jake and Bella combo. Enjoy.**

JPOV

Bella and I had been going out for a year and a half and things just started going south. It seemed like everyone was making up her mind for her, even me. I just wished Bella could stick up to everyone including me and tell what she wanted to do and what she _was _going to do. Things didn't change and Charlie made decisions on when she went out, who she went out with and even what she was going to wear. She never spoke up.

One day I wanted Bella to come over because I had planned a very romantic date, I even payed Sam to come over and suggest to my dad that they watch the game at his house. Then all of a sudden Charlie ruins all of my planning and tells her that she couldn't go out because of some bullshit reason. Bella once again kept her mouth shut to her father and called to tell me she couldn't come. Needless to say I was pissed. We got into another huge fight that ended with me saying, "Whatever," and hanging up on her.

The next day Bella came over and tried to apologize for the other night. I just didn't want to hear it because I'd heard it all before and I was sure to hear it again. With every mumbled apology I just got angrier and angrier. I spun around and faced her, "Bella, just stop. I'm tiered of all this bullshit. You are eighteen and your dad can still say no and you don't say anything. You knew I was planning a romantic dinner for us for three weeks and with one word you let your dad just ruin it."

I could see the tears pool in her eyes before I saw one escape and run down her cheek. I was so mad that tears wouldn't work this time. "Unless you start having a backbone I'm out of here."

Sobs over took her, "I-I understand J-Jake." She sobbed, "I just wish I could do what you want from me."

She turned to walk out the door that was still open. The look in her eyes made my heart want to break. I grabbed her hand before she could get all the way out the door. I walked to her and pulled her into my chest, "I'm sorry Bella. It just made me mad that I worked so hard to spend one very romantic night with you and it just did not happen." I rubbed her back as I tried to soothe away the sobs and tears. "I love you Bells."

She looked up at me and I could still see the pain and sadness in her eyes as she said, "I love you to Jake." The smile on her face was glad that I hadn't let her walk out of the house but her eyes still screamed the pain of me even saying that I would leave her.

I leaned down and kissed her lightly. "Hey I guess we could still make this afternoon some of the romantic night I planned. I got left overs in the fridge that won't take too long to reheat. Want some?"

"I would love something to eat." I reheated the dinner I made last night, well what I hadn't thrown out the door at the nearest tree. We talked while we ate and soon it was like the little fight never happened. We went in my room and I put in the movie I rented to watch. It was a chick flick but Bells had been saying that she wanted to watch it for a while now. It was some movie called "letters to Juliet".

We got about half way into the movie when Bella pulled my head down and kissed me passionately. One thing led to another and Bella and I made love. I'm not going to go into detail but it was wonderful. When we were done we laid naked under my sheet. She curled up next to me and laid her head on my chest. She still sounded kind of sad when she spoke, "I'm still sorry about last night."

Well that killed my left over bliss. I tried to not let it show as I told her what was on my mind, "I know Bells. We just don't have many days like this left. I mean I leave for boot camp in a little less than two months. I just want to spend as much time with you as possible before I can't see you for a while."

I felt something wet touch my chest and slide down my side; another tear. Bella lifted her head and wiped away any others that may try to escape, "I know. I still wish you hadn't signed up to join the army, but it's what you want so I will stand by you. As long as you want me here I will be here."

I held her there in my arms for most of the afternoon until it was almost time for Billy to get home. When it was getting dark I waved bye to Bella from my porch and went back inside. Things were good at least at that point.

One month later Bella once again refused to stand up to her dad. I had had enough. It was less than a month before I left. When she called me to tell me that she couldn't come I realized that if she didn't love me enough to stand up to her dad when we only had days left to be together then she didn't love me that much. That day I told her that if she didn't come over to never call me or show her face again. I sat on my porch all day waiting for her to show up thinking that she would come, but she didn't. Two weeks later she still hadn't shown and I was in my Rabbit on my way to boot camp.

Now its been almost eleven months since my dad had told me what was going on with Bella. Last he told me she moved out of Forks and to somewhere in Montana. Today I got a letter from my dad that surprised me. It was short. It read as follows: "Hey Jake, things are good here. I got a letter the other day from Bella. She asked that I not open the other envelope and to please send this to you since she did not have your address. So the envelope inside is from Bella. Hope you are good. Write back soon. Love dad."

My hands shook as I pulled out the other envelope. Part of me wanted to just shred it and forget she even wrote. But the other side still loved her and longed to know what she said. I opened the envelope and pulled out the paper. Some Polaroid photos fell to the floor but I ignored them because I was so excited to see what she had to say. The letter read, "Hello Jake. I am sorry to be writing to you when I know you have probably put me to the back of your mind. I hope you are good and also I pray that you are happy. I am writing to you today to tell you something that I thought you should know. It has been almost a year now since the last time I really felt you hold me tight. That day we made love, if you remember. Well a month later I couldn't come to see you because I was too upset because I found out that I missed my period. I realized that I was pregnant. You left two weeks later. I didn't tell you because you were so ready to go into the army that I didn't want to ruin that for you. I have moved to somewhere far from Forks but thoughts of you come to me every day when I look at our little girl. Enclosed I have included some pictures of her. She is now close to four months old, she came a little earlier than expected but she's fine. She looks more like you than me Jake. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing telling you about her. I have stayed awake many nights trying to decide whether or not to send this to you. I guess if you are reading this I finally got the courage to drop this in the mailbox. If you don't want anything to do with me or her that is fine but I thought that you had the right to know about your daughter. I named her, Sarah Renee Swan. I hope you don't mind that I gave her your mothers name. I thought it went nice and seemed to just fit her. You don't have to reply or anything to this letter but if you want to I have included a return address on the front of the envelope. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you Jake. Please accept my apology for everything that happened. Bella." 

My hands shook as I leaned down to pick up the photos of a little girl that was so beautiful that it was no wonder it was Bella's child. Bella was right though she did have my black hair and darker skin then her mothers albino colored skin. I looked at another this time a close up of her face and she blushed like her mother and also had those piercing brown eyes like her mom too. I could feel tears coming to my eyes. I had almost never known about a daughter that I wanted to know about. I looked through all these different pictures. There were ones of Sarah in her mother's arms while petting a painted horse. There was one of her laying in a patch of wild flowers looking up at the camera with the cutest little smile. It was the picture of little Sarah laying in her crib that made the tears brim over and run down my cheeks.

Just then some of my guy friends came through the door, "Hey Black, what's with the tears?" one joked.

I looked up at them and mumbled, "My daughter."

I handed the pictures up to him. He laughed and said, "I didn't know you had a daughter man."

My eyes were glued to the floor as I whispered, "Neither did I."

"Shit man. What you going to do?" he asked as he handed me the pictures back.

I looked through them again and said, "I am going to write a letter."

I felt a hand pat me on the back while Jimmy said to me, "Well good luck man. See you at dinner."

They walked out of the room and I picked up a pen and paper and began to write, "Dear Bella,..."

**Well that is the end of this chapter. As I was writing this I figured I could turn this into something much better than just a one shot deal. So there may only be a few chapters but let me know what you think and there may be more on the way so make sure to review and sign up for alerts. Thanks for your time in reading this. Hope you enjoyed it. **

**-Kittylover93**


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright I know for those of you who alerted this story I am a bad author because I left the story hanging like I did. Well the chapter may not be as good as the first because when I wrote that one my emotions were through the roof and I was feeling a lot of what was at the beginning of the chapter. Well now my guy has gone off to the navy for boot camp but this is NOT like the story. Lol. He is getting out in a month and I can't wait to see him :D well on with the chapter. **

BPOV

I had finally gotten Sarah to lie down and take her nap. The quiet was so nice and I knew she would be up in no time so I had to do some things real quick. I looked down at her in her crib one more time before I picked up the baby monitor and headed outside. I ran down the long driveway to the mailbox. I pulled out a large stack of envelopes and started back towards the house. As I was walking I started to look through the stack, "Bill, bill, credit card offer, bill, junk mail, junk mail, credit card offer, letter from Major Black, bill." I felt my eyes go wide as I went back to the letter. I felt all the other pieces of mail slide from my hand except for the letter. I couldn't move, I couldn't think. I just stood there looking at the envelope.

A few minutes passed before the sound of Sarah crying woke me from my daze. I picked up the rest of the mail and ran into the house. She was hungry so I fed Sarah, burped her and got her back down for the rest of her nap. Once I knew she was out I went out to the living room and picked up the letter. My hands were shaking as I opened the letter, being extra careful not to rip the return address.

I pulled out the sheets of paper. They were relativity small and compared to Jake's large print there really wasn't much written. I went back to the first page and started from the beginning, "Dear Bella, I finally got your letter. How could you not have told me you were pregnant? I mean I know I was a complete asshole for what I said but you could have come before I left and told me I was going to be a father. Also I am a little hurt that you waited this long to tell me. I mean she is four months old and almost a year that you were pregnant. I feel like such a dick that I wasn't there for you or Sarah. Also I love her name. The name is as beautiful as the girl and her mother. I'm still just really lost for words at what to say. I do know that I want to apologize for what I said that day. I was really mad and I should have gone to say goodbye and maybe see what was wrong or to ask you to take me back. I have never stopped loving you Bells."

I looked up from the letter because I couldn't see the paper anymore. Just reading the name he used to call me made my heart hurt. When he left I had a piece of him growing inside me but he never realized that he took part of my heart with him. Sometimes the pain from the missing piece is unbearable. When that happens I have to go hold Sarah so I don't feel like I'm being ripped apart. Sarah was finally down so I would have to deal with the pain.

I picked the letter up and continued to read, "I have never stopped loving you Bells. I have always dreamed that we would have a kid together but this isn't how I saw it. I mean you had such big dreams and I don't know how you could achieve them while taking care of a baby. I just can't see the reasoning of why you didn't tell me. Well now that I know about Sarah I want to help as much as I can, any way I can. If you want child support I will send it straight to you right now just tell me how much. Tell me what to do Bella. Please write me back. Jake."

Oh he was always a sweet man. His sweetness is one of the big things that attracted me to him. When we were in high school everyone couldn't believe I was going out with the guy that looked like if you talked to him wrong he would bash your skull in with a wrench. After we started dating he let down his guard even in school and started to show his true side. I had seen that below that tough exterior was a loving man. When he left it was so hard.

I got up from the couch and went over to the desk in the corner and pulled out a piece of paper. I sat down and started a letter back to Jake.

JPOV

"MAIL CALL! Clearwater! Ateara! Call! Uley! Black!" the Sargent screamed.

One by one we all went up and got the letter that was being handed to us. Everyone that got a letter went to their bunks and ripped into the letters and began to read. I slowly walked to mine once I saw it was from Bella. I was so afraid that she would tell me that she wanted nothing else to do with me and that I wouldn't see my little girl. I opened the letter, "Dear Jake, I didn't tell you about me being pregnant because I knew that if you got me pregnant you wouldn't be able to go into the army for a couple more years. I knew you were looking forward to it. My plan was to wait till after you got out of boot camp to tell you but then it went wrong when I couldn't go to your house. After that I was sure that you didn't want anything to do with me and if that was true I didn't want us to be together because of a baby. I was still going to tell you once you got back from boot camp but by then my dad had found out that I was pregnant and kicked me out. I had no place to go. I was staying with six different friends for just a few days at a time. After a while I was able to get in touch with one of my grandmothers. She took care of me for about a month and then she died. She left me her house and all of her money. I was able to take care of myself and Sarah. She was actually quite rich and we have been doing fine. I hire a baby sitter for the mornings because I work. It's not much of a job, I just wait tables at a local diner. It doesn't bring in much but its enough to make sure the funds don't get low. So money is not an issue so you can save your money. Thank you though. We are fine where we are so do what you think is best. Bella. P.s. I never stopped loving you either."

My heart flew out of my chest and did a happy dance when I read the part about how she still loved me. I had spent so many nights trying to forget about Bella but I just couldn't. She was the only one that I ever looked at and to be honest she was the last person I slept with. She was the only one that ever held my heart and I was so heart broken when she didn't come to me, but now I see the truth. She stayed away because she wanted me to be able to go into the army like I wanted. She gave up her dreams for me and for our daughter.

"BLACK!" a voice screamed at me.

I stood up and said, "Yes sir?"

"You have another letter." The Sargent handed me another form and walked away.

I opened the letter and my heart sank. It was an order to deploy to Iraq. This is my life. I finally find out that the woman I thought left me a year ago because she didn't love me actually does love me. Also that we have a beautiful baby girl. The war was supposed to be over and they were supposed to be taking soldiers out. Now here I sit with an order telling me to leave all this behind and go to where I was needed. It's too bad that place isn't with my little Sarah. I looked at the ship out date; it was in two days. I had to write to Bella one more time before I left because god only knows when I can write to her. There was also the chance that I may not come back. I tuned everything else out and sat down for one last letter to Bella before I had to leave.

**Well there we go. There is chapter 2 and I hoped you like it and stay tuned in for chapter 3. :D let me know what you thought. Love you guys. **

**-Kittylover93**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well here we go chapter 3 of letter to Jake. Also I have a note that is VERY IMPORTANT. Soon I am going off to college and to be honest to you readers writing, unless to relax, is going to be at the bottom of my to do list. So I am not sure when I will have time for writing since it's my first year of college I'm not to sure what to expect. I just thought I would let my readers know so that you aren't left wondering where I went. Remember to review at the end and I promise I will try to not leave it as a cliff hanger. Who knows if I get enough interest I may update again before I leave. **

Chapter 3

BPOV

I sent out my letter and I just couldn't wait to see what Jake wrote back. About a week later I got another letter from Jake. I hadn't been able to read it during the day because of work and Sarah but now it is almost midnight and I figure it is safe to take a moment to myself and see what Jake had to say.

"Dear Bella,

I can't believe my luck. I finally get you back in my life and with a daughter none the less and I get a letter I don't want. Today after I got your letter I got a dispatch letter. They are sending me to Iraq baby. By the time you get this letter I will already be gone, but you can still send one back and they will send it to me. I am not sure when I will get it or if I'll be able to send one back but still please send one. I also ask you to send me a picture of you. I haven't been able to see your face in almost a year and it kills me. I have the pictures of Sarah with me and I'm going to put them in my helmet and in my jacket but I would like one of you. Bella it just isn't fair. I finally get you back in my life a little and now I'm being pulled away from you. I love you Bells. I wish I could be there with you and Sarah right now instead of where ever I am. I dreamed the other night that the three of us were sitting down to a picnic and I got to see you smile. I was holding Sarah and feeding her a bottle. It was such a great dream I didn't want to wake up. Then I got your letter and I felt whole again when you said you loved me. I never have thought of anyone else besides you. I wish I could have been there for you when Charlie kicked you out. I know my dad and I would have taken you in. Although you probably didn't want to go to my dad in case he told me. I still wish that I could have been there. I don't know what else to say but I don't want to end this letter. Some part of me keeps saying, "what if this is the last thing you say to her? What would you want to say?" I just hope that it isn't the last time I write to you. But if it is I want you to make sure that Sarah knows her father and her grandfather. Please take her to La Push sometime so that Billy can see her. I didn't write to him about it so it is all up to you. I can't write much more because I have to pack and also write to Billy and tell him that I'm shipping off soon. To tell you the truth I am crying some because I don't want to loose you again. I love you Bells but I got to get going. I'll write to you when I can. Just don't forget the pictures.

Love Jake."

My heart felt like it was being ripped out of my chest. My Jake, the love of my life, was probably in Iraq right now risking his life. I just got him back and now he is across the world. I got up and found some current pictures of me. There was one that I had taken on my camera just the other day with me and Sarah. There was a candid picture my friend Kayleigh took of me. I grabbed one that was of me and Jake a couple years ago and made a copy of it. I took the pictures and put them in an envelope and started a letter to Jake.

"Dear Jake,  
>I'm not sure when or if this letter will get to you in time but I am sending it out the day after I got your letter. I don't know what to tell you. Just be careful baby. You still have to see and hold your daughter. I'm here for you Jake. I have included some pictures of me and one is a picture you should remember. Sam took it on the reservation on the day that you first told me you loved me. I saved it all these years. Jacob Black you better come back to me because I have waited a year to hear your voice, the feel of your arms around me, and the feel of your lips on mine. I can't go on without that forever, so you better come home. I love you so much Jake. I will be waiting here for your next letter or for you. I love you and so does Sarah. Just know that I am thinking of you. I love you Jake. Come home soon.<br>Love Bella"

I sealed the envelope and wrote the address on it. I looked into Sarah's nursery and she was still fast asleep. I ran down to the mailbox still in my pajamas. I kissed the letter and put it in the mail box. I just hoped that Jake would get it soon.

JPOV

I got Bella's letter and pictures. It made me so happy to see her smiling and that she had kept the picture of us three years ago. I took that picture and the one of her and Sarah and put them in the pocket inside my jacket so they would always be near my heart. I took the others and put them in my helmet so that I would have them with me all the time.

Being in Iraq is hard and I just wish I could be with Bella or at least write to tell her that I'm okay. My mind isn't here and that can be very bad. I shake my head and try to focus. I take off my jacket and join up with some of the guys for a game of football.

We played for a while and my team won. We were celebrating when the head commander came over, "Black, you and your group are going to go out and run a patrol. Go around the outer parts of the city and then come back. Report then investigate anything suspicious."

I saluted him and replied, "Yes sir."

My team and I got geared up and got into the vehicles and went off to patrol the city. Everything was going great. When we were almost back to the base a bullet went through the windshield and hit our driver. My mind briefly registered that it had been Richard who had been shot. He was slumped over the wheel dead. Everyone else hopped out of the convoy, I followed right behind. It was hard to realize where the shooting was coming from. I felt a bullet go through my right shoulder. I went down and then there was a loud bang not far. I felt something hit me...(darkness)

BPOV

Every day I run to the mailbox hoping for a letter from Jake saying he is fine. It has been three months since I got his letter telling me that he was leaving. I'm starting to worry. I mean I don't know how often they can write or anything like that but just not hearing from him is making me go crazy. I had spent a year not talking to him and it's worse now because I know he loves me.

Day after day goes by and no letter. I work hard and take care of Sarah. She is getting so big. Shes now seven months old. I can't believe how fast time goes. I just wish Jake could be here to see her. He would be so happy.

Well it's time for work so I gave Kayleigh a hug and thanked her for watching Sarah. She smiled at me and said, "It's no problem Bell. I mean I feel as if you are my sister."

I smiled back, "Thanks Kayleigh. I'll see you after my shift."

I went to work and took orders, dealt with annoying people and the occasional asshole trying to grab my ass. Finally it was time to go home and take a nap of my own. I got home and Kayleigh was playing with Sarah. I walked over to them and kissed Sarah on the cheek, "Hey sweety, you miss mommy?"

Sarah looked up at me and smiled, "Sarah was very good today. She drank all of her bottle and took a little bit of a nap. So you don't have to worry go take a half hour nap." 

I smiled, "Thanks Kay. I really need it today." 

I went inside and took a quick shower to get the smell of burgers and fries off of me. Then I laid down and closed my eyes. I fell asleep almost instantly. It seemed like no time at all when I heard a knocking on my bedroom door. I opened my eyes and sat up. "Yeah?" I called.

Kayleigh opened the door, "Uh Bella there are some guys here to talk to you."

"Okay I'll be right out." I got up and fixed my hair before going out into the living room. "Yes?" I said before I was even fully in the room.

I stopped in my tracks when I saw the two men stand up and they were in army uniforms. They took off their hats and said, "Mrs. Black?"

"Uh. Miss Swan, but I am going out with Jacob Black."

"Ah sorry for the mistake miss." The one on the left answered.

The one on the right hung his head, "We come with information on the current status of Sr. Jacob Black."

I felt my knees buckle and someone caught me. I looked behind me and saw it was Kayleigh holding me up. I could feel the tears come to my eyes, "Jake, is he okay? Is he alive?"

"He is currently MIA. His platoon was attacked and everyone was shot. All bodies were recovered except for Jacob's. We do not know where he is but we shall keep you updated. We are sorry miss."

They came over and helped me to the couch, "We will be going now miss."

I managed to shake my head. As soon as the door closed Kayleigh sat down next to me and put my head on her shoulder and rubbed my back, "Just let it out girl. I know you have to cry."

So that's what I did. I sat there and cried for almost an hour. After that Kayleigh helped me to my bed and put Sarah next to me, "Bell I'm going to stay the night okay. This way I can see how you and Sarah are. So if you need to sleep I'll be here. Don't worry about a thing."

I half smiled, "Thanks Kayleigh. I'll pay you extra for staying the night."

She laughed and pushed a piece of hair behind my ear, "You don't have to pay me for it. It's what friends do for other friends."

"Then I'm glad I have a great friend like you."

"No problem Bell. Now you rest." I heard her leave the room and I cried some more. I cried till I exhausted myself and fell asleep. MIA how could he be missing. I know he's not dead, I just know it.

**Well that was chapter 3 and I hope you guys liked it. Well I'm going off to school so if I have enough time and enough reviews I may post another chapter before I go. Let me know what you think. :D **

**-Kittylover93**


	4. authors note

Alright everyone this message comes from a really sad place in my heart. I know most of you are probably like, "yay new chapter for the New Year" but that is not what this is. This message is going out to all of my stories that are not finished. I have recently been very busy with college, as I have said in quite a few of my author's notes lately. Well I finally got a whole month and a week to work on my stories. Yay I know but my laptop had fallen off my bed quite a few times during my time at college and all of it finally caught up with it. All of my stories were on my laptop and I should have backed them up on flash drives but I didn't. Now my screen will not work so all of the stories are safe but I have no way of getting to them. I will try to get something out there even if it may be a new story but anything that is already started like my new chapters for: "letters to Jacob", "one more step", and "super girl comes to forks". I know those are all of my really good ones but I WILL be updating "secrets are legends and legends are secrets" because the computer I am using is the computer that has that story all written already. So let us hope that inspiration hits at some point and I can get you guys a new story that you all could enjoy. Hope everyone has a great new year and hope none of you are mad at me. So once again sorry for the author's note again. I hope and pray that all of you will continue to be loyal readers and stay with me till I can get my laptop fixed. It's ridiculous actually, $139.99 just to have a guy come back and reconnect a screen and or put in a new one. Well fingers crossed that I can get a job to get the money for it. Love you all and thanks for your patience.

**-Kittylover93 **


End file.
